Top 3 Final Girls (Horror)

On May 31, 2015May 31, 2015 By R. PettyIn Movies, OpinionsLeave a comment

The final girl is an often disputed topic, especially since the film industry has evolved her into a hero of sorts instead of a woman solely fighting to survive. When I first studied the final girl, I was in a film class about 10 years ago. This was before The Hunger Games, Divergent, and the other movies that redefined the female’s role. This was before the final girl seeped into other genres, and there were few final girl-guy combos. According to today’s views of the final girl, even Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz could rank high on the list.

Let’s look at the horror genre, and who the final girl is in a horror movie. According to Carol J. Clover, author of Men, Women, and Chainsaws: Gender in the Modern Horror Film, the final girl simply possesses two qualities:

She undergoes agonizing trials
She virtually or actually destroys the antagonist and saves herself

With these rules in mind, here are my Top 3 Final Girls:

(CONTAINS SPOILERS)

Sidney in Scream — Photo from: http://www.imfdb.org

3. Sidney Prescott, Scream franchise

Four movies and 20 years later, Sidney Prescott may be the updated version of Laurie Strode, the final girl from Halloween. Because this movie spans several, the focus will be on the first.

Scream: Mostly a virgin in the first film, Sidney kicks and slams her way to survival. She’s the “more behaved” girl among her group, doesn’t party a lot, and it’s clear she begins as a virgin who’s fighting to keep her purity. Sidney is so smart she immediately suspects her boyfriend, who turns out to be one of the killers. As her friends start getting killed, her main goal is to survive but also protect others.

She kicks the killer down stairs, hits him, shoots him, cusses them, and ends up battered and bruised. Sidney beats the stuffing out of Ghostface over and over again. She runs a lot! Sidney finally submits to her boyfriend and loses her virginity. Afterward, he reveals himself as one of the killers. So in this case, the final girl is literally and figuratively devirginized, which instantly makes her stronger. She may cry, she may ask why, but she never stops fighting to survive.

2. Erin, You’re Next

The only nonfranchise and newest film on the list, Erin is well deserving of her No. 2 spot. She’s not pure, drinks whiskey, dates her ex-teacher, and hails from Australia. She’s almost the opposite of final girl 101, but that’s the beauty of her character and the evolution of the final girl. The definition has evolved to include a more realistic female, one who may be flawed, but it doesn’t stop her from kicking serious boo-tay.

You’re Next: A family has arranged for almost everyone to be killed, so two brothers can inherit the family fortune. Erin is supposed to survive as “a witness,” but because she serves as a threat, all the antagonists try to kill her at some point. She does everything she can to protect this family she barely knows, but when the truth comes out, so do the knives and blender. She reaches her breaking point, and her only goal is to save herself. And she does. She kills everyone – even the cop at the end, accidentally.

Laurie Halloween 1 — Photo from: herocomplex.latimes.com

1. Laurie Strode, Halloween franchise

No one beats Laurie. This buttoned-up virgin babysitter beats the crap out of Michael Myers a few dozen times. Sure, she has some breakdowns, but overall, her character grows into a mature, confident woman. Because the Halloween franchise expands eight movies, and Laurie is in many sequels and the remakes, I’m focusing on the original Halloween and Halloween II.

Halloween: She’s smart, unsure, pure, studies instead of partying, and serves as a good role model to teen girls. She doesn’t succumb to peer pressure, and her character still serves as a role model some 30-plus years later. She’s stalked by Myers throughout the entire movie, and he kills nearly everyone in his way. She is responsible for herself but has to protect the kids as well, which she does. She immediately directs them out of harm’s way. Laurie stabs Myers with a knitting needle (win!), a coat hanger, and manages to run and hide until Loomis shoots him.

Halloween II: Laurie has to fight to survive later that night! This sequel takes place only hours after the first; it all happens in less than 24 hours. She’s injured and exhausted, broken, but still strong enough to escape Myers while he chases her throughout the hospital and its complex. Laurie’s endurance and need for survival remains rare in horror movies, and she stabs and limps her way to safety until Myers goes kaboom!

Ellen Ripley and cat — Photo from: mestadelsbilder.wordpress.com

BONUS: Ellen Ripley, Alien franchise (courtesy of James)

Ripley also goes against the horror movie stereotype. In the first two films, she shows some exceptional horror movie common sense. She’s typically composed and level-headed.

Alien: She’s the one who reminds everyone how unwise it is to bring the unknown alien creature on board the ship. She advises against leaving the planet before the ship is repaired. She’s the one who finally decides on a plan of action to escape the xenomorph. Plus, she went back to save the cat!

Aliens: She is stunned at the short-sighted foolishness of the Weyland-Yutani corporate suits, refuses to participate in the mission until it’s promised the goal is the annihilation of the aliens, and she has to take command of the mission when the leaders prove too senseless to be effective.

Ripley is unique because almost never in the first two films (and only in the third due to the circumstances of the environment) is her gender ever discussed. She’s a flight officer, a survivor, a fighter, and leader. The only reference to her gender is made by another woman – in Aliens when Vazquez (who Jim Sterling calls “one of the toughest bastards ever”) asks who “Snow White” is. Ripley is a final girl because she refuses to let events happen to her. She affects events, and she determines the plot. She can also melee fight an alien queen and WIN.

Top Three Imposing Movie Villains

On May 28, 2015May 28, 2015 By James CastroIn Movies, Opinions, Random FunLeave a comment

Villainy and villains. Often we find them more compelling than the heroes of the story, even when we crave their defeat. There are many kinds of villains and many great ones. They can be tragic heroes or pure chaotic evil, so classifying villainy can be difficult. James Rolfe did a great list of the “baddest bad guys” using the criteria of who was really the “baddest” not the best villain or most evil, just the one who was through and through…BAD. He made a great list and it’s hard to disagree with his findings.

Following in his footsteps, and wrapping up the three-year anniversary month of threes, I thought I’d do my own criteria and give what I see as the most intimidating and imposing villains I can think of. The criteria here are a little more difficult to ascertain, but intimidation is rarely strictly physical. Once we leave the school yard the threat of “I’m big and gonna beat you up” doesn’t have the same weight as it once did. This immediately discounts the Jason Vorheeses and Godzillas of the medium. Similarly intimidation and having an imposing personality is usually just that, personality. The fact that these villains are human and show their humanity makes their villainy more imposing. It might seem a bit convoluted but hopefully the selections will help explain. So starting off with number three:

The Hunger Games – President Snow (Donald Sutherland)

“I like you…be careful…”

Before hipsters start to protest I ask everyone look the man himself. He is, in the world of Panam, supremely powerful. He has a family we see in his periphery and a public persona that is both calming and resolute. Then you see him interact other characters, Seneca and Katniss were frozen like the prey of a cobra. Plutarch, despite his confidence, maintained his composure by attempting to play Snow’s game his way to impress him with his own imposing declarations. In the books we see more of him, hear from him more, and get to know him more. His limited use in the films makes him even more intimidating. Sutherland plays him in a manner as cold as the character’s namesake. He speaks with a quiet voice, like thunder in the distance, so when he merely suggests it would be easier if parties agreed not to lie, explains it is not favorable to root for the underdog, or instructs you on the value of hope versus fear you listen. Wide-eyed and terrified at nothing more than the power of his…words. His intimidation is based entirely on his ability to tell you the truth in ice-cold realism with the absolute knowledge of what he can do. He can make you vanish in silence, make you obsolete in front of a roaring crowd, and send you into hysterics with a flower delivery. He’s that imposing.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows – Professor James Moriarty (Jared Harris)

“Rest assured, if you attempt to bring destruction down upon me, I shall do the same to you. My respect for you, Mr. Holmes, is the only reason you are still alive.”

How can you gone wrong with the Napoleon of crime? I’ve seen several versions of Dr. Moriarty and Jared Harris captured something that I found truly captivating. His Moriarty has an extreme patience and remarkable Zen-like nature that makes him even more frightening than Hannibal Lector. Moriarty’s intimidation is that, portrayed in the manner Harris played him, you feel he’s smarter than you. It’s not a physical intimidation, because as I said above what does that mean to grown people? It’s a feeling of helplessness that even Robert Downey Jr.’s Sherlock feels during parts of the movie. You feel at his mercy, as though he holds every card and you hold nothing…even if you’re holding everything. Anyone who has ever been in the presence of a real master knows this form of intimidation. And we’ve seen the result of someone far below their league when they attempt to compete. Moriarty is so wily he forces Holmes to chase a red herring at the opera just so he can watch him fail from a box seat. He attempts to start World War I and simply shrugs when he doesn’t pull it off. He can torture you singing opera in German…and just might be able to take you in a fist fight too. I’m not sure I’ve seen a more impressive supervillain…certainly not one who was this cold, this brilliant, and this realistic. Harris’ performance is wildly underrated and for me he’s the Moriarty to beat.

Apocalypto – Zero Wolf (Raoul Trujillo)

“When I catch him I will peel his skin and have him watch me wear it”

I don’t believe I’ve seen a character on film in recent years quite as intimidating as Zero Wolf. Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto received general indifference after its release. It was in Mayan. Directed by a man who had just gone through some serious personal issues. It had questionable historical veracity. But forgotten amidst all of that is what an incredible film it is. The film revolves around fear (The Nolan Batman films could have learned something about real fear in this movie…), specifically fear instilled into a small village by warlike, desperate neighbors who seek human sacrifices. The leader of these hunters: Zero Wolf. Decked out in jaguar jaws, wolf skulls, and human bones he is a massive, brutal, cunning leader. Since we spend most of the film in the captivity of these hunters or fleeing them, they had to represent a truly incredible threat and, though there are numerous hunters, they all fade into the jungle when in the presence of Wolf. He gives commands silently (watch his directive to his men to spread out and attack), can intimidate with few words (“Are we doing what you say now? Shall we try that?”), exudes power and menacing intent through extreme calm and stoicism, and is powerful enough to force that stone knife right through your sternum. More than just a vicious hunter you see he is a person. He has a son he cares about dearly and it’s both tragic and frightening when he is provided the motivation to relentlessly hunt Rudy Youngblood’s Jaguar Paw throughout the latter half of the film. It’s this humanity that makes him such a cold customer. He cares about his legacy and his offspring, but is simultaneously ruthless in the prosecution of his tasks. He is a man hunter, and he treats it like a passionless day job, until it’s made personal. Both his indifference and his cruel obsession cause tension in their own ways. Zero Wolf is possibly one of the most effective villains in years and he is used with remarkable skill to drive the plot, dramatically increase tension, and intimidate the audience. He’s intimidation personified and the most imposing villain I think I’ve ever seen.

Top 3 Favorite Movie Moms

On May 10, 2015May 22, 2015 By R. PettyIn MoviesLeave a comment

Mother’s Day is here! It’s the one day a year kids take time to appreciate the woman known as Mom. She’s the cook, baker, laundry queen, toilet scrubber, chauffeur, gives a hug or smack, makes you laugh after a long day, and never stops working.

So, what better way to celebrate than to post my top three movie moms? After some research, I realized two of my picks were very underrate. Can you guess which two?

3. Helen Parr (ElastiGirl), The Incredibles

Every good mom is a superhero. We somehow make everything ok, even when we’re freaking out on the inside. We human moms may not be able to stretch our arms a mile long, but when wrapping our arms around our kid, it can certainly feel like we can.

ElastiGirl shows that even real superheros can make great moms. She transforms into a parachute to save her kids falling from a plane. She helps rescue her husband from the evil Syndrome. ElastiGirl is even kind of hot for an animated character. However, my favorite thing about her is she’s real. For example, after falling into the ocean, she threatens to ground her kids for a month if they don’t calm down. She’s sarcastic, cutthroat, and funny, but can cuddle with her kids. She’s a tough woman.

2. Frigga, Thor

Beautiful, smart, and fierce best describe Thor’s mom. I was very surprised she wasn’t on any big lists I saw. She’s a queen! Fridda’s (The Asgardian Frigga, goddess of marriage) role is small but mighty in these movies. She’s the voice of reason and tries to make men think before acting. In Thor, she never leaves her husband’s side when he’s ill and vows to protect. She trusts her kids to do the right thing and handle everything else, so she can be where she’s needed. In Thor 2, she sacrifices herself to protect Thor’s girlfriend and the rest of her family. She wields her sword as well as, if not better than others, and she pays the ultimate price. But we don’t expect anything else. When they send her body off to sea, I still cry. Her devotion to family and show-no-fear attitude reminds us nothing will stand in our way.

1. Mrs. Molly Weasley, Harry Potter series

Hands down No. 1 in my book and also not on any major lists I read. This woman has seven children. Seven. She cooks, cleans, dresses, advises, lectures, screams, cries, hugs, and laughs. She expresses what every good mother feels. Unconditional love.

Fiercely protective and unbelievably supportive, Mrs. Weasley always comes to the rescue. She welcomes Harry with open arms, becoming his surrogate mother while taking care of her own children. She fights alongside them, provides for them, and never complains. You never hear Mrs. Weasley say, “I’m so tired…I’m so under appreciated.” Instead, she’s most known for this scene:

“You – will – never – touch – our – children – again!’ screamed Mrs. Weasley.
Bellatrix laughed, the same exhilarated laugh her cousin Sirius had given as he toppled backwards through the veil, and suddenly Harry knew what was going to happen before it did.
Molly’s curse soared beneath Bellatrix’s outstretched arm and hit her squarely in the chest, directly over her heart.
Bellatrix’s gloating smile froze, her eyes seemed to bulge: for the tiniest space of time she knew what had happened, and then she toppled, and the watching crowd roared, and Voldemort screamed.”

Mrs. Weasley kills Bellatrix. Applause.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms – those who have kids, dogs, cats, mice, plants, etc. – and get some rest. We only get one day a year!

3 Favorite Teen Movies

On May 3, 2015 By R. PettyIn MoviesLeave a comment

Teen movies are my second favorite movie genre behind horror – especially good ones. They’re fun, funny, and make me feel a little younger. In good teen movies, there’s no crazy puke scene, and it’s not overly dramatic. There’s always a guy, and the rewatch value never diminishes. For this post, I focused on teen movies with strong male/female leads, instead of girl teen movies. All of us teen movie fans know there’s a difference.

Here are my picks for the top three teen movies:

She’s All That – Freddy Prince Jr., Rachel Leigh Cook, 1999

Zack (Prince) makes a bet that he can make Laney (Cook) prom queen, and of course it all blows up in his face.

Why it’s special: She’s All That is funny and has a ton of people in it, including Paul Walker and Dule Hill. Its plot feels a little generic (popular guy has to transform social outcast), but Laney plays a strong cynical, mature-for-her age teen who just wants to be a part of something. It has all the traditional things: mean girls, a-hole guys, and Usher as a school DJ (you had Usher as a DJ too, right?). The movie has its gross parts, like a nasty pizza scene in the cafeteria, but it doesn’t go overboard or feel cheesy. Some also scenes pay tribute to the show The Real World, which helped launch the reality TV show genre.

The soundtrack: One of the reasons Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer became so popular, and there’s a cool freestyle beat-box scene that I can site verbatim.

Extra: One reason I love Psych so much is many She’s All That cast members did a Psych episode or served as a major character. They must love the movie as much as I do!

10 Things I Hate About You – Heath Ledger, Julia Stiles, 1999

Also the same year, 10 Things is a ’90s version of Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew. Patrick (Ledger) gets paid to take Kat (Stiles) out, and it the “sh$% hiteth the fan”.

Why it’s special: This is tough for me because 10 Things is much better written and has some of the wittiest dialogue I’ve ever heard. The acting is better, the story is stronger, and there are a ton of people in it as well. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a big part, and Larisa Oleynik, who also did a Psych episode, plays a believable Bianca. What makes this movie is Patrick and Kat’s relationship; they have chemistry you seldom find in teen movies, and you assume they may be good friends in the “real” world.

The soundtrack: Opens with Joan Jett. Enough said.

Extra: If I were fairly reviewing this movie, this would be No. 1, but I had to judge it on how many times I’ve watched the movies as well. I’ve watched She’s All That several more times.

Can’t Hardly Wait – Jennifer Love Hewitt, Ethan Embry, 1998

Does it say something that all of these were in the late ’90s? This plot is about Preston (Embry) trying to win Amanda’s (Hewitt) affection one last time before everyone goes to college. There’s no money involved, and most of the movie occurs at a party.

Why it’s special: For a party movie, Can’t Hardly Wait is creative and feels a little more real. Instead of taking place at some ridiculously awesome school with a beachfront view (like the two others), its setting is a smaller town, and you never see the school. The acting isn’t awesome, but it’s good, and you believe Preston is desperate to tell her how he feels. Her girlfriends are typical teen girls (support you to your face, talk about you behind your back), and the movie includes all teen stereotypes, such as the dumb jock, geek squad, an angel stripper.

The soundtrack: The geek of the school performs Guns N’ Roses’ Paradise City. Any soundtrack with GnR automatically rocks.

Extra: Seth Green makes this movie. He’s a major/minor character and young, and if you’re a Green fan, you must see it.

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below, and if you haven’t seen these teen gems, you should!

Remakes and Reboot Redux: Conclusion

On April 29, 2015April 28, 2015 By James CastroIn Movies, Opinions, ReviewsLeave a comment

I grew up reading Dark Horse Predator comics and Wizard Magazine. As I moved into other comics, I founds lots of characters to love, but one I always knew about but never read was Judge Dredd. I recognized the character, but didn’t know much beyond the iconic appearance until the last 5 years or so.

Judge Dredd (1995)

In the 90s the mega action stars of the 80s were looking for vehicles. As Sylvester Stallone’s biggest franchises, Rambo and Rocky shifted from classic to semi-farce (at least for a decade or so) Sly began looking for other franchises to be his next big thing. He tried it first with Demolition Man but went for a recognizable character film with 1995s Judge Dredd.

Since I didn’t know about the character at the time I admit I rather enjoyed the film. It went for a “big” story, introduces the world, the judges’ council, then immediately breaks into a story of a character trying to bring it down. It was still exciting, had great 90s special effects (love that bodyguard-bot), and good characters. Stallone made a great Dredd, he certainly had the look, and Diane Cannon was also effective as Judge Hershey.

It came out in the extended Lethal Weapon fallout when every character had to have a “buddy” comic relief aspect. They chose Rob Schneider to basically play himself and proves to be the weakest part of the film. The other aspect of it is Dredd sacrilege but is a direct result of the Stallone-vehicle reality of the movie. They show Dredd’s face. Constantly. Something the creators of the comic have consciously decided not to do (as he is the faceless embodiment of righteous but fascist judgment in Mega City).

It was a Judge movie but still a Stallone movie and also a 90s action movie. It was bright, colorful, and very much a product of the 90s comic movie industry, basic popcorn entertainment. Fun but tossable.

Dredd (2012)

After what a lot of fans consider to be mor Tinseltown than Mega City outing of 1995’s Judge Dredd 2012 brought a reboot in Dredd. With a faceless Karl Urban as the titular Judge, it made the gritty judge movie for the modern era. Films, even hero films, took a dark turn and Judge Dredd is perfect in a “dark” thematic world.

Karl Urban is excellent as Dredd. I didn’t even know it was him, and therefore accepted him more easily as the character. Olivia Thirlby is also fantastic as psychic Judge Anderson, a dynamic female character in modern action movies. Dredd doesn’t treat her like a woman, he treats her like a rookie. Only bringing up her gender when the possibility of capture by savage gangers is a possibility. Lena headey makes a for a sufficiently creepy villain as Ma-Ma and she’s surrounded by a circus of terrific character actors playing terrific characters.

One of the best aspects of the film is its “day-in-the-life” feel. It is a rousing action film, but in the end Dredd explains his miniature war in Peach Trees Mega block as “Drug bust. Perps were…uncooperative…” it looks great, is well-acted, and gives us a look at a different kind of comic character.

These movies show how these films are products of their time and both work very well. Essentially the 2012 Dredd ignores the previous version, but both were successful movies; the first a fun 90s-style action flick; the second a gritty, modern sci-fi crime movie.

Neither is overtly disrespectful of the origin material and the reboot classy-ly makes its own movie without deriding the original. So a viewer can watch 1995s Judge Dredd, enjoy the fun 90s glory of it; then watch Dredd and appreciate the millennium brutality of Mega City crime fighting.

That’s the current state of reboots and remakes in my opinion. Some are good, some are bad, but admittedly it’d be nice to see a brand new intellectual property out there… Til then… It’s Judgment Time Hollywood. At least make more Apes and Dredds, and less Clash of the Titans and RoboCops…

Remakes and Reboots Redux: Part 2

On April 22, 2015April 21, 2015 By James CastroIn Movies, Opinions, ReviewsLeave a comment

I remember always being behind the times as a kid. I never saw the Rambo or Indiana Jones movies when they were new. I didn’t get the newest pop music or know anything beyond what showed up in “Weird” Al Yankovic or Kids Incorporated. BUT…I distinctly remember the first time I saw a RoboCop movie.

It was actually RoboCop 2, which is slightly inferior but in the same spirit as the original. I loved the action, the big robots, and the stop motion. You saw little glimpses of Officer Alex Murphy’s previous life as a person, enough to make his current state as a cyborg meaningful, but it was mostly shoot ‘em up robot fun with some funny parts and just a dash of character development.

I didn’t see the first film until the 2000s and despite its decidedly 80s vision of crime and the future it held up very well; and I can say that honestly as I didn’t have any youthful attachments to it. Bad guys were wonderfully bad. Robo had an established personality but was a great cyborg. His partner, Anne Lewis, was one of the best tough female characters this side of Vasquez from Aliens. And the story had an excellent progression and a fantastic “oooh gotcha!” conclusion.

The Real RoboCop

THEN they did a remake.

The original RoboCop series established certain demands on anything trying to call itself “RoboCop.” He-is-go-ing-to-talk-like-the-computer-in-War-games. He’ll spin that gun like a he’s in a 1950s western. He’ll call someone a “creep. “ Tell them to freeze. Then lots of shooting will occur.

That’s what RoboCop means to those of us who care about the series and, to be totally honest, would be the audience for a remake series.

Here’s what I don’t watch RoboCop movies for: To see his family life. To get to know him as a person for hour. To have a strong female character turned into…a dude… To see RoboCop CRY. And have Alex Murphy talk like Marky Mark Circa 1991.

Nearly half the remake is used building Alex Murphy’s character. He’s an honest cop, a devoted family man, a good partner, a decent person, a tough guy, a badass, a rebel against corruption. For an hour we see this in story, exposition, and flashbacks. Even after he becomes RoboCop we see more character exposition, as he copes with his new status, trains to become RoboCop a la Batman Begins, and fights against corporate prejudice (from one of the many rather good performances in the film, this one by Jackie Earl Haley. Other great performances include those of Sam Jackson, Michael Keaton, and Gary Oldman).

This is some strange RoboCop…thing

Less than half an hour into the original film Alex Murphy is RoboCop. Out RoboCopping it up with Old Detroit’s street trash. Before he gets all Robo’d, he’s introduced as a rookie to the precinct, which means other characters have to get to know him naturally and thus the audience gets to know him in an organic process. He’s cocky and arrogant, but in less than five seconds of dialogue we see how he’s developed and achieved a rapport with Lewis. He spins his gun because his kid likes it (and maybe he does too…) establishing he’s got a family he cares about, and we see that family in staccato flashes after he’s attacked (actively I’ll say by the bad guys, not in a BS car bomb). All of his character is built in about 10-15 minutes. His transition into RoboCop is done via first-person montage. As he’s switched on, sees something new, and is switched back off again. Time passes, he’s advanced to a new state of Robo, time passes again. Never wasting time so we get to the main story as soon as possible.

RoboCop does a lot of this blow stuff up stuff…

Where Apes updated the premise while making the story fit to a new audience and changing times, 2014’s RoboCop is a near-Clash of the Titans-level farce. The Corporation plot is senseless and muddled. There was a needless “military drones should be legal in the US” angle. Robocop was Strong Sad in an exoskeleton. His wife and child just WOULDN’T GO AWAY. And none of it had to be done.

An hour into the movie RoboCop 2014 makes his first bust (35 minutes passes in the original for RoboCop 1987 to accomplish this) and the corporate mouthpiece comments that Robo ID’d the bad guy after only 60 seconds on duty, and says how impressive that is. Why then, may I ask, did it take the movie 60 MINUTES to get us here?

And none of this “what have they done to me?!” stuff…

Now many of you may start shouting, “But wait, wait, wait, Apes updated its story, was dramatic, and deep, and you showered it with praise!” True. I did. BUT. The original Planet of the Apes movie was a sci-fi drama. Designed to have social commentary, make observations on human hubris, and still wrap it up into a terse, excellent sci-fi movie. That’s exactly what the two new Apes films did.

What was the original RoboCop series? An outstanding, fun, sci-fi action movie with more Dawn of the Dead style tongue-in-cheek commentary on consumerism, economic Darwinism, and social progress seen in the periphery and through action, rather than exposition. It was not a DRAMA. It was NOT a personal introspective look at the life n’ times of a homie from the block who became a robo cop. And how it made it him feel. And what does it mean for society.

The new movie was a product of a film industry that seems not to know how to have much fun anymore. It either makes dreadful and derivative Scary Movie style “fun” or it makes action movies that have to show consequences and emotions rather than just the cartoon style blasty-blasting we saw in the 80s and 90s movies. Even action movies, have to try to hit you in the feels rather than just show a half-dead robo-man blowing away street scum.

More importantly either filmmakers don’t know what kind of movie they want to make, or want to make a cross-genre thing that, as Jim Sterling would say in a mocking, whiny voice, “appeals to a wider audience.” Before making any film the question needs to be asked, “What is this movie about?” And stick to THAT. A movie like RoboCop can have social commentary, the original certainly did. But it shouldn’t shoehorn it in at the expense of the real plot. We shouldn’t spend more than half the film establishing character. We shouldn’t spend an equal amount of time on drama. We shouldn’t waste even more screen time getting into the mechanics of how RoboCop robo-works. We shouldn’t go down the plot-rabbit-hole chasing military drone legalization and political debate. A movie that tries to do everything at once accomplishes doing nothing much in the end.

In a scene that packs more emotion in three minutes of activity than the 2014 remake did in an hour of exposition, Alex Murphy lies to his wife in RoboCop 2 saying, “They made this…to honor him.” They certainly didn’t make the new RoboCop to honor you, Alex. So Hollywood, the fans are taking away your remake privileges. Dead or alive they’re coming with me…

Next week will be a bonus wrap up with a pair of movies about the same character, one from the 90s one from the last couple of years, that both succeeded in making fun movies but in totally different ways.

Revenant Publications

Category: Movies