Doom (2016) – A Return to Form

I would say the game I spent the most time on as a kid was id Software’s Doom.  I played it on 32x, I played it as Shareware (yes, kiddies this was a thing) on my hard-drive-less PC (yes that was a thing too), and I played it on my regular PC when graphics hardware wasn’t even a thing and the most important aspect of getting a game to work was ensuring your SoundBlaster was functioning.

I spent hours on Doom and the best game sequel ever, Doom 2.  After beating both games I spent hours in god-mode just running around blasting monsters.  I’d write my own narratives and, because the player avatar really didn’t have his own personality, I could pretend to be anything as I went from level to level stomping demons.

I never got into Doom 3 but I did very much enjoy Bethesda’s Wolfenstein: New Order and Old Blood.  When I heard they were releasing their version of the venerable first person horror shooter I was excited but tentative.  I couldn’t get into the grim joylessness of the franchise’s third entry and capturing the free-roaming fun of the 90s originals seemed like a tall order in the modern era.

I finally got Bethesda’s Doom (2016) in October and…I love it.  It is as close to Doom as I think we’ll get without just getting graphically overhauled versions of the original games (which I would be for).  How does Bethesda get it right?

Finding an updated take on the classic Doom Marine Armor is incredibly exciting.
Finding an updated take on the classic Doom Marine Armor is incredibly exciting.
  • Mood: Original Doom was fun. It had some brutal imagery and scary moments but it was really a power fantasy.  Your Doom marine could take on hordes of undead monsters and massive demons with a chaingun and a rocket launcher and come through with just gritted teeth and maybe a bloody nose.  The narrative, which was there despite what some critics believe, took place in text crawls between chapters.  This game has a far more “Bethesda” story, which is to say it’s involved and excellent.  But you don’t have to pay attention to any of it.  This incarnation of the Doom marine certainly doesn’t.  The tone is just as power fantasy and irreverent as the original games; except here you can literally rip off demons’ arms and beat them to death with them or shove a mancubus’ explosive cells down his throat.  It’s all done with cartoonish hyper-violence and humor.  It’s brutal and violent but in more like a bloody looney tunes episode than Call of Duty.
I know and Imp, Revenant, and Cacodemon when I see them!
I know and Imp, Revenant, and Cacodemon when I see them!
  • Design: One of the problems I had with Doom 3 was the design. It felt more like Aliens and later Dead Space than Doom.  Everything was dark and cramped.  The monsters just vaguely resembled their origin creatures.  In Doom (2016) as soon as each monster appears Doom veterans will identify them.  Imps, Pinkies, Cacodemons, and Barons of Hell all resemble the original game enough that you get excited when you first see them.  Even the guns, the super-shotgun, the chaingun, the plasma rifle, all show their 90s origins.

  • Game Play: The most important aspect of any game and the one that concerned me the most about new Doom. But it got it right.  Of course it’s updated but the elements are there but you never reload your weapons; if you have 300 shots you can shoot 300 shots.  You don’t hide behind walls to heal; you brutally execute demons or find health power ups to heal.  The camera doesn’t wobble around like a drunk camera operator is in control of your character; it’s static and the gun moves when you run.  It feels like an old school shooter in a modern wrapper.  Brighter colors, faster pace, but with all the junk that clutters modern games stripped out.  The junk that makes them more “realistic” and less fun.

I can’t recommend Doom (2016) highly enough.  It’s a terrifically fun game and is a blast from the past for classic shooter fans.

One footnote, the music is TERRIFIC!

HalloWarhammer: Horror in the World of Warhammer 40k

So as most know I’m a huge fan of Games Workshop’s fictional world.  One of the best aspects of this world is it can essentially house every kind of genre imaginable.  There are Ciaphas Cain comedies, Ultramarine traditional war stories, Last Chancers underdog guerilla stories, and even a few romances thrown in for good measure.

One genre that really lends itself to the world of daemons, monsters, and heroes is horror.  The Warhammer world has its fair share of horror stories (if you go into Fantasy Battles that’s even more true what with vampires, zombies, and Hammer Horror atmosphere everywhere) but I thought I’d share a couple of my favorites!

Old Soldiers Never Die (Sandy Mitchell) – Ciaphas Cain and his Valhallan 597th end up on the planet of Lentonia to assist in the quashing of a recent rebellion.  During their time there a host of plague zombies arise and the put-upon commissar is forced to deal with a near spot-on Romero zombie uprising and a chaos cult.  Even driving his command vehicle through the streets running them down.  It’s a great little story and a perfect Halloween zombie fix for fans of 40k and the hero of the imperium.  For even more Ciaphas Cain zombie fun also check out Dead in the Water, a great audio drama about Cain on his own Apocalypse Now adventure.

Waiting Death (Steve Lyons) – The galaxy’s quintessential tough-guy Colonel “Iron Hand” Straken and his Catachans are stationed on Borealis Four.  During a long march his unit stumbles across a mysterious village where the regiment comes under siege by shadowy monsters who appear from nowhere, assault the wily jungle fighters, and vanish again.  The description of the monsters is horrific and the tension voiced marvelously by Toby Longworth causes a wonderfully suspenseful narrative.  It has a bit of a twist to it and the final monster is downright frightening.  Not really “gothic” horror as such but its reminiscent of 80s action horror.

Alone (Joe Parrino) – This is the one that inspired me to write this article.  Raven Guard Librarian Ithkos Jevel is lost on his own in an abandoned imperial ship.  As he attempts to contact his battle brothers he is accosted by a presence who mocks him over the vox.  The voice acting by Gareth Armstrong, Robin Bowerman, and Jonathan Keeble is amazing.  Especially the eerie, shrill voice of the mocking daemonic presence that continuously torments Ithkos during his journey down the dark corridors, often imitating the voice of one of Ithkos’ fallen comrades.  Especially the evil reading of the line “You walk in dark places!”  The imagery provided in the audio drama is equally frightening.  The lifeless eyes of statuary truly has the feel of an Exorcist or Omen film.  One scene in particular stays with me as true horror.  One of the statues of saints comes to life and assaults Ithkos.  The statue described as moving in a horrific, spider-like manner reminds me of something out of Silent Hill.  This audio drama more than any of the others makes me realize just how effective horror radio shows must have been during the heyday of the serial radio program.  If you’re looking for something thematic to paint or build your armies this season it doesn’t get much better than this!

Haunted Houses: How to Correctly Bring the Scary Back

I’ve mentioned in a previous post that seeing A Nightmare on Elm Street at 6 years old cured me of fear.  I simply don’t scare now.  But that doesn’t mean I don’t love a good scary movie or haunted house attraction.

I’ve been to a fair few haunted houses and, while there weren’t any I didn’t enjoy, the elements that each got right still stick in my head.  I thought I’d share what I think are the best elements of haunted house attractions and what can be improved.

Waverly Hills does a Haunted House every year.  Perfect location.
Waverly Hills does a Haunted House every year. Perfect location.
  • Atmosphere: The best element of the most effective haunted houses is the atmosphere. Nothing takes me out of a good horror experience than something that doesn’t fit.  A lot of haunted houses either have a theme or have various themes; so you either go to a “haunted factory” or go to a big building that has sections, each with its own theme.  Either can work as long as they stay artistically cohesive.  Your spooky clowns shouldn’t be wandering around your industrial buildings and you’re the Ring inspired escaped mental patients shouldn’t lurk in the Frankenstein castle set.  Likewise the best haunted houses make excellent use of props and setting.  Sometimes the best part of the experience is seeing the environments they’ve put together.  I’ve seen great cemeteries, houses, and even car wrecks in good haunted houses.  When these elements combine it creates a memorable event.
Making non-standard, unexpected characters adds a lot to the scariness.  Familiarity is anti-horror.
Making non-standard, unexpected characters adds a lot to the scariness. Familiarity is anti-horror.
  • Characters: I’m not referring here to just famous horror characters, though that can be an element. This refers more making the best use of your performers.  Don’t overdo it on lurching zombies and chainsaw guys.  We’ve all seen the guy without a chain on the chainsaw coming after us, so how do you make it different?  One of the best I’ve seen is a “stalker” where the “same” chainsaw character (likely played by different people but all similar and representing the same character) randomly reappeared throughout the maze, sometimes in front of us blocking out path, sometimes breaking through walls, sometimes behind us.  It was like being hunted by Nemesis from Resident Evil 3.  He could be anywhere, it kept us on our toes and we never knew where he would come from.  Also see above concerning where your characters fit.  Your Freddy Kreuger really should be in the right place, so should your Michael Meyers.  Understanding the best use of each character you have really goes a long way…

  • Lighting: Ok this is an important one. Don’t make the entire place one color, one brightness, and one mood of lighting.  Going from bright areas to super dark areas is unsettling.  Or having a well-lit hallway with sharply dark alcoves or ending in a pitch black tunnel build suspense.  See what effective lighting techniques are used in movies and even great horror games.  When everything is the same level of dark your eyes adjust and the spookiness loses its effect the longer your there.  Also the more realistic the lighting is for the place your in (having a school hallway lit like a school hallway) is far more immersive.  And here’s a big one…  Strobe lights people.  Ok strobe lights can be very scary.  One of the scariest images I’ve witnessed was a horror trailers in Las Vegas as a kid.  The strobe was perfect.  Just choosing the epileptic seizure setting doesn’t usually work.  Having it set to flash slowly, so characters seem to disappear and appear close to you like a movie missing frames is the best use of strobes.  There’s a reason this imagery became so prevalent in films!
  • Choreography: This ties closely with characters but it is just as much about the design of the rooms and events.  Mediocre haunted houses have people in makeup standing in corners jumping out saying “boo!” from each dark corner as you pass by.  They aren’t so much scary as pestering.  Arranging performers for maximum effectiveness is something to really consider.  Some great positioning recommendations: having a narrow grate bridge in a long cylindrical room with a single character blocking the way; going through a ceiling so low you have to crouch and finding characters meandering in front of you and turn to find more stalking up behind you, being surrounded is deeply unsettling; my friend Mike saw a child performer portraying a cut-in-half adult dragging himself toward the guests, no matter what that’s creepy!  Remember there’s more to scaring than jump scares.  Use the entire range of fear (claustrophobia, the unknown, tension, sound) to make a memorable series of set pieces.
Ruby Falls Haunted Cavern is terrific.  A great use of environment to create a unique haunted house.
Ruby Falls Haunted Cavern is terrific. A great use of environment to create a unique haunted house.
  • Creativity: I can’t stress this one enough. Don’t just set up free-standing drywall, throw some farm tools on it, and have people in Goodwill clothes jump out.  What is unique about your location?  One of the best I attended was in a cave; another was in an abandoned school. Do you have any specialist performers who can do interesting things?  Is there something prevalent in horror pop culture right now?  What are the trends in horror movies and horror culture?  Can you put your own creative spin on them or even do something completely different to set yourself apart from the pack.  If everyone is doing zombies…maybe more zombies aren’t such a good idea.

I love haunted houses and a great attraction will be something guests will remember for years.  The more quality haunted houses there are the better a Halloween season it is!

 

 

 

The Strange Brilliance of Stranger Things

Stranger Things was sold to me inaccurately.  I came to the show very late (I just watched it last week) but I was told by multiple parties “If you love 80s horror you’ll love this show!”  That couldn’t be less accurate.  A more true statement would be “If you love the 80s AND love horror you’ll love this show!”  I do love both and, like everyone else who has seen it, I love this show.  At its core it’s just a story about a missing boy, but surrounded by excellent high-concept storytelling that takes it to the next level.  It’s part Goonies, a little X-Files, some Monster Squad, with a bit of Twin Peaks thrown in for good measure.

So what makes this series another spectacular notch on Netflix’s already festooned original content belt?

  • Characters: it always comes down to characters. You can hang the simplest story on phenomenal characters and make something special (Star Wars anyone?), but a complex epic story is just white noise if the characters are flat and useless (looking at you Jupiter Ascending).  And this is where Stranger Things gets it all right every time.  A dorky science teacher is 100% accurate, but science dork isn’t ALL he is (he knows DnD, he helps with a search, he’s on a date).  Surly Chief Hopper has a reason to be surly, but he also has backstory with other characters (that’s rumored and speculated and nothing more) and also an obvious reason to be obsessed with the disappearance of Will Beyers.  Even the characters on the periphery have deep characters built up, like Steve the would-be boyfriend.  He’s not Johnny from Karate Kid who’s just kind of a jerk to be a jerk. Steve has good qualities and his character arc isn’t what you expect it to be.  The same is true for Nancy and Jonathan, who have realistic and believable character arcs.  The show is stolen by Winona Ryder as Joyce Byers and Millie Bobby Brown, Gaten Matarazzo, Finn Wolfhard, Caleb McLaughlin, and Noah Schnapp as the main child leads.  Ryder’s performance as a frantic, but determined and brave mother is terrific and I can’t recall when I’ve seen such authentic child characters.

  • Tone: The show is a masterpiece of pacing and tone. It’s set from the opening battle with monsters in a make believe fantasy setting during a Dungeons and Dragons game.  It then becomes a battle with real monsters and a real fantasy setting and never loses its authenticity.  You believe in this world, its characters, and its lore.  You believe in interdimensional monsters and psychic kids.  Strangely the tone isn’t one of traditional “horror” either.  While yes there are monsters and victims, I never found it to be scary in a normal way.  It has a feeling of tense suspense, with the tension coming from a desire to see as little harm as possible come to these great characters.  Or alternatively see the deserving ones get the chop.

  • Concept and Execution: This is a story that is unique and original. It’s not based on a treatment of a comic book or from the characters featured in a novel.  It’s a new idea encompassing everything we love about the time period and bringing in elements of modern science fiction horror from films like Super 8.  It even gives subtle nods to period-specific media, from the music (which isn’t ALL accurate, some of that is post 1983 people…) to movies (kids riding their bikes from imposing authority figures anyone?)  It’s a slickly made, well-executed piece of storytelling that again continues the gradual shift from single-narrative feature films to the expansive mini-series formula as the potential preferred medium of up-and-coming creators.  And it also shows just how well it can be done.

It’s not all roses of course.  I think the creature is significantly scarier the less we see of it (it was never more frightening than the first glimpses Will sees of it while riding home) and even though they may have needed to show the creature for the themes they were going for, I think less is more for it.  Also the vague “government” enemy is a little bit of a cliché, but it does tie in nicely to the 1980s Cold War fear mongering prevalent in the period.

Stranger Things shows just how much can be done when the right group of creators, meets the right distributor, and mixes the perfect cast with the right idea.  It’s perfect for the Halloween season, and if you haven’t seen it yet catch it right now!  If you have seen it, hell catch it again;  I definitely intend to!

How to Investigate Weird Noises: 7 Tips from a Horror Fan

Learning how to investigate weird noises could potentially save you from almost every horror movie scenario possible. Let’s face it, weird noises happen. And although it may not seem the best idea to investigate them, sometimes we must.

how to investigate weird noises
I’ve investigated dozens of weird noises over the years. I used to hear things from the basement and would have to go down there at night. Usually, it was just something outside or the dog, but I couldn’t rest until I knew everything was safe. I’ve made some mistakes, but I want to share my expertise on how to investigate weird noises:

Decide How to Investigate

Most times when you hear a weird noise at home, it’s nothing threatening. Why wake up loved ones for nothing or put them in danger? Go it alone at home. You can laugh at yourself and avoid embarrassment when it turns out to be a branch scratching a window. However, if you are in a horror movie setting – including hospitals, graveyards, and creepy cabins – never go alone. The more people you have around you, the better.

Grab a Weapon

Once you hear the noise and decide to investigate, pick a weapon. It should be easy to carry and use. One of my favorites is a working LED flashlight. These are typically made of metal, easily weigh 1 lb., and serve two purposes: You can see from a distance and bludgeon something if needed. You will find these at any major retailer for about $20. Also, make it easily accessible. For example, don’t store it in the basement.

Breathe Through Your Nose

If horror movies teach us anything, it’s what not to do. Take a moment and take deep breaths through your mouth. You’ll notice two things: you’re really loud and will eventually feel light-headed because you’re not getting enough oxygen. Breathing through your nose allows for maximum oxygen intake, so you don’t pass out and controls your adrenaline/heart rate. It is much quieter, so your ears can listen for noise. You need to find the source of the weird noise and listen for anything else.

Walk Slowly

This one comes naturally for most people. After all, you’re a little freaked out, so you’re not likely to go running through the house yelling AH-HA! Walk with intent, and keep your eyes open. If possible, wear quiet slip-on shoes in case you have to run. This rule changes if you have to go up and down stairs. I’m a fan of the element of surprise when it comes to stairs. For example, get downstairs fast and make noise. Most basement stairs squeak, so you’re going to make noise anyway. I vote for loud and threatening as opposed to quiet and squeaky.

Turn on Lights

When entering a room, turn the lights on first. Flip the switch, so you can see whatever is in there and feel quick relief. Leave the lights on when you leave the room. This will give you more visibility as you investigate and eliminate places for the source to hide. Pay attention to the lights as well. If one is turned off later, you’ll know something is wrong.

Do Not Talk

“Hello, is anyone there?,” said no one ever in real life. It’s common horror movie knowledge that the person who asks, gets slashed. Not talking aloud allows you to breathe easily, keeps your ears open, and doesn’t reveal your location. Having an internal dialogue is fine, but don’t talk to yourself aloud or yell for the source to reveal itself. You want to find it, not let it find you.

Run, Run, Run

So, you’ve finally made it into the basement only to find a zombie or ghost. Run. Run away fast. Don’t walk up on it. Don’t talk to it. I don’t care if you know them. Chances are if they are in a corner, they are bait. Run and never look back.

Stay safe out there, and feel free to share your comments below!

*The purpose of this post is for entertainment. If you think there is an intruder, use common sense and call for help.

Valentine 2001: 14 Reasons Why It’s a Solid Slasher Movie

Valentine (2001) has worked its way up my list of favorite slasher movies. I never make a big deal about Valentine’s Day, but it shocks me that so many people hate this movie. Valentine 2001 came out in the same year as some better horror movies – such as 13 Ghosts remake, The Devil’s Backbone and Jeepers Creepers – but Valentine is still a fun slasher and worth a watch.

In honor of Valentine’s Day and to challenge all those who hate it, here are the reasons why it doesn’t suck (contains spoilers):

Valentine-2001
Photo: playonlinemovie.com

Boys will be boys. The male characters in this movie are hilariously bad people. Valentine sends a very strong message that finding Mr. Right is almost impossible. Throughout the movie, the girls are trying to find dates, and the pool is filled with egotistical d-bags. That’s the dating world, but the movie doesn’t send a hopeless message. It essentially says it’s ok to be single.

Everyone can relate. The movie starts at a dance with a nerdy, unpopular kid trying to ask several girls to dance. He faces constant, and most times, vicious rejection. We’ve all been rejected, so it speaks to a large audience.

Most of the victims receive creative Valentine’s Day cards. These cards are some of my favorite cards ever and add a nice touch. For example, “Roses are red. Violets are blue. They’re going to need dental records to identify you.” Not only are they creatively twisted, they’re funny.

You don’t feel bad for any of these characters. Sometimes, you feel like certain people should survive a slasher. Not in this one. Most of the characters are shallow and selfish, and most of them get exactly what they deserve.

Valentine keeps you guessing throughout, and there’s a fun little twist. It doesn’t end like most slashers, and the surprise is well worth the watch.

All 90s and early 2000s horror movie fans will love the cast. There are several actors you know from other movies. The Valentine cast includes: Denise Richards (Wild Things), Hedy Burress (Cabin by the Lake), Katherine Heigl (Bride of Chucky), Marley Shelton (Planet Terror, Scream 4.)

Listen to the music because the soundtrack rocks. For all you heavy rock fans, you’ll love hearing Deftones, Orgy, Manson, Rob Zombie and Linkin Park.

Everyone has distinct personalities and issues. One thing current movies lack in general is good stereotyping; there is a reason stereotyping exists. In movies, it often pokes fun at them, and the same is true here. You have the pretty girl, the sweet girl, the chubby girl, the awful artist, etc. All the actors play their parts well.

Never underestimate the nerd. You know who the killer is from the go, but who is he/she 10 years later is the big question. They quickly dismiss the nerd because he “could barely operate a water fountain, much less an intricate revenge plot.” Think again.

The main girls die in the way they rejected the nerd at the dance. I love this. For example, when asked to dance, Paige (Richards) says she’d, “rather be boiled alive.” Guess how she dies.

It fills a niche of horror that has been heavily dominated by My Bloody Valentine, which is hands-down my favorite Valentine-related slasher, but Valentine 2001 isn’t trying to be a great movie; it’s trying to be fun. I enjoy the holiday-themed horror movies, and Hollywood doesn’t do many Valentine’s Day ones, so it’s refreshing.

No one wants an Oscar, including the writers. The dialogue is quick and feels very real. When two characters converse, it feels natural. The writing leads to some sub-par acting, but that’s the beauty of the movie. It’s easy to laugh at the characters and easily recognize the actors enjoyed making it.

Everyone can pick it apart. I rewatched it recently for this post, and at one point I thought, “Who’s house are they in?” There’s a scene where the main girls are in a random house for questioning, and you have no idea whose house it is because you’ve seen where everyone lives, and it’s not there. In another scene, a girl answers the door and looks down before she’s supposed to. It’s those little things that make a movie more entertaining, and Valentine is a great movie to watch alone or with your best friend.

If you love a mindless slasher, check out Valentine 2001. Feel free to let us know what you think in the comments, and Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone!