Worst Horror Movie: Dark Corners

Dark Corners is one of the most confusing movies ever. The only way I could write this was to start from the beginning and work my way to the end. If this post doesn’t make sense, have no fear because it’s a byproduct of the movie. I haven’t lost my mind. Dark Corners will leave your brain clogged and lost. And you may well ask yourself at the end, Why did I watch that? What was the point? Wtf just happened?

For these reasons, this is my worst and most hated horror movie. Here’s the breakdown (contains spoilers):

The opening: The movie starts with an old woman in a rocking chair listening to her answering machine. Next scene is a chick in a church who’s ranting to a friend she can’t find. She sits down to smoke a cigarette and falls asleep sitting against the altar. Because she’s narcoleptic? She wakes up to find her friend slaughtered on the altar, and then she is killed.

Reality 1: The movie is split into to two different realities. You have real world and dream world. In real world, there’s a killer on the loose and blonde Thora Birch, who has nightmares, thus creating dream world. In real world, she’s trying to get pregnant, which serves no purpose other than to have a conflict in the “happy” marriage. She also visits a hypnotist to help her work through the nightmares.

Reality 2: Dark-haired Thora Birch is a train wreck. Most of the same actors are in both worlds playing different characters. Here, Birch is being stalked by what you discover is the serial killer. Oh wait, you can’t have the same killer in both worlds, right? Unless it’s Freddy, this is unacceptable. It is never explained how both cross over or why.

Randomness: There is so much random crap in Dark Corners. The two opening scenes come back into play but serve no purpose. There are things like a creepy kid standing on a car making throat-cutting motions and who later attacks dream-world Birch, but you don’t know why. There’s incessant phone ringing and alarm clocks that I found distracting, and a key Birch swallows in dream world. And without rewatching, I can’t tell you what the key unlocks. A creepy old woman in the doctor’s office tells blonde Birch not to sit in a chair in a corner, but again, you have no idea why. And the list goes on…

The End: Confused yet? Here comes the kicker. The serial killer stabs and mangles Birch in real world. Dream-world Birch ends up standing over real-world Birch as the husband walks in. It can’t be split personalities because he sees dark-haired Birch and real-world Birch slaughtered in her bed. So who’s the killer? The doctor. Yep, the doctor is dark-haired Birch in dream world.

Finally, it’s all over. The movie cuts and starts back over from the first time you see dream-world Birch, and it’s revealed that’s it’s supposed to be some form of Groundhog Day hell.

This movie is extremely frustrating and senseless. There are so many holes, and trying to figure out why or how anything happens is useless. I have watched this movie twice, and the latter may be my last time. You can argue with yourself about why things happen or try to analyze it, but it’s useless. There’s always a counterpoint that trumps the rational thought. I feel as crazy as the movie after watching it, and there has never been a movie that made me so angry after it was over. To those who watch it, good luck.

I’m glad it’s over.

Worst Horror Movie: The Exorcism of Emily Rose

If there is a cardinal sin the makers of a horror movie can commit it would certainly be making their film boring. When deciding on what film to declare my “least favorite” horror movie I debated on whether I could even include this film…as most of the film is a courtroom drama…with little bits of horror thrown in. After much consideration I decided this was the worst horror film to me…and not for the reasons many expect.

The Exorcism of Emily Rose is the movie I always return to when I think of the “worst” horror movie. No it’s not as atrocious as many of the cheesy horror fare, it has very strong performances from its cast, and when the film does horror it can actually achieve a very creepy mood and contains a lot of elements that stick with you (watch this movie and try waking up at 3 am without feeling a bit creeped out). So how does it fail so spectacularly?

Here’s how:

Pacing and Tone: The movie is very slow. That doesn’t have to be bad. The original Dracula and Frankenstein films were slow. Many great films have used a slow pace to build to a crescendo. And certainly the exorcism we see toward the end of the film is the most interesting part of the movie, but the pace of the film didn’t build to it. And its portrayal underlines the principle problem of the movie. The main story isn’t really Emily Rose’s exorcism. The movie should be called The Trial of the Priest Who Performed the Exorcism of Emily Rose. Since the story takes place during the trial, after the exorcism, the result of eponymous exorcism is known from the film’s first scene. The rest of the possession narrative is told in retrospect. And since the people telling the story are around to tell their part it robs the demon segments of the story of any suspense. This leaves the tension of the story resting entirely on the outcome of the COURT CASE. In a movie about an exorcism our interests are supposed to be vested in the result of a trial. This cuts down on the horror tone exponentially and just as you start to get that nice, horror movie feeling you’re ripped back into cross examinations and plea negotiations. In fact the film is so wrapped in the court case all of the character development and story arcs revolve around those involved in the case, using the exorcism as a set up for a narrative rather than the central point of it. It’s almost as though the filmmakers set out to make a courtroom drama about an exorcism, then toward the end of production decided to throw in some horror elements (some are quite good, some horribly clichéd and have been done so much better by The Exorcist and The Omen.) This “last minute” horror feel is what makes Emily Rose feel like a movie that almost doesn’t belong in the horror category at all…

Skeptics vs True Believers: This may be the biggest opportunity missed. The film makers set up a fascinating dichotomy of a “true believer” lawyer prosecuting the priest and an agnostic defending him and his exorcism. The prosecution goes on about psychiatric and medical conditions that can cause possession-like states, and all are FAR more convincing than the demon parts of the story. It sets up what could have been a “let the audience decide” story of “was it or wasn’t it” a possession. BUT the narrative shows you that according to the movie it was a demon. We see her getting “possessed.” We see the shadowy demonic activities impacting the agnostic prosecutor. We hear testimony from a friendly, smiling, peaceful, attractive pseudo-scientist who talks about how real possession is in direct contrast to the testimony of a doctor played by an actor so known for his slimy characters he played a rogue government official in a friggin Jack Ryan movie. I would have loved to see the evidence presented evenly so both sides are shown as plausible. It would let an audience think and decide what they believe occurred. Instead this film skirts with “here’s a possibility for the skeptics” but then, like the ending of Clue says, “now here’s what really happened.” In the end the “skeptic” part of an exorcism story was done better in The Exorcist when Father Karras declares the demon possessing little Regan identifying itself as “the devil” is as crazy as if she said she was Napoleon Bonaparte. One line. Just as effective. Leaving more screen time for the tense horror for which that film is known.

There’s a famous piece of advice given to writing students that goes something like this: Is what we’re seeing the most interesting part of the story? If not why aren’t we seeing that instead? This concept is at the heart of the problem with The Exorcism of Emily Rose. We have a story about an exorcism. A story with some of the best possession visuals seen to date, thanks largely to the terrific performance by Jennifer Carpenter as Emily. Great horror visuals. Creepy themes. All this crammed into about 20-30 minutes sprinkled throughout the film. We see a courtroom drama unfold. And one that is so wooden, gray, and dreary that it can’t hold a candle to other films in that genre either. Yes A Few Good Men is almost science fiction in its portrayal of courtroom activities, but it’s a hell of a good story and builds to a rousing conclusion. Emily Rose, though it had the acting chops with Laura Linney and Tom Wilkinson, instead goes for a somber, quiet tone in the courtroom. It’s a horror movie without much horror and a courtroom movie with dull courtroom scenes.

And it COULD have been so much more. It had all the right elements to be a horror classic, and instead is a compromised drag so ponderous and flatly presented it could’ve been directed by M. Night Shyamalan. Because of this I see this movie as one of the biggest missed opportunities in modern horror history, and a dull, flat horror movie to watch. It’s not even fun to mock as so many other so-called bad horror movies are. Making it my choice for Worst Horror Movie.

Most Underrated Horror Movie: 1408

To continue this week’s discussion, I picked a movie that viewers either love or hate, 1408. There is no middle ground. People either give it one or seven to eight stars, and here’s why:

Many reviewers complain it’s not scary enough; the story drags; too many jump scares; not enough blood and guts; it’s not The Shining (of course not because it’s not); and the complaints go on…

1408 (2007) starring John Cusack and is based on a Stephen King short story. As many of you know, Hollywood doesn’t always do a great job with King’s stories. Many B- and C-list actors star in them, so the acting is pretty awful sometimes, and the special effects are often cheesy and cheap.

The movie 1408 is different. Although it only scores a metascore of 68/100 and 78% (audience 61%) on Rotten Tomatoes, don’t let that deter you. This is a great horror movie, and yes, it is a horror movie. It classifies as psychological horror and tries to do more than scare the audience.

Why is it underrated?

Those who did not like this movie didn’t get it, or it was simply not their thing. It’s a psychological thriller, which means the scares come from and warp the mind. Demonic creatures do not climb on ceilings and serial killers do not stalk teenagers. The movie, and the room specifically, uses our darkest moments and personal demons against us.

The best things:

I am a little bias because of three things: Samuel L. Jackson, Tony Shalhoub, and Stephen King. I love all three of these gentlemen for various reasons, so any project that includes all of them automatically wins brownie points. Jackson has a classic line and delivers it only like he can, “It’s an evil $%&*ing room.” Shalhoub plays a slimeball agent who gets Cusack into the room despite all odds. I can’t help but love Shalhoub in those roles. Then there’s King – one of my favorite writers.

Secondly, the story is refreshing and different. In 2007, we had a decent variety of horror movies premiere including 30 Days of Night and lots of sequels like Hostel Part II, 28 Weeks Later, and The Hills Have Eyes 2, and the epic Paranormal Activity. Aside from PA, most movies have been done before or rely on the predecessor’s success. This is where 1408 was different. It was a haunted hotel room that took Cusack’s nightmares and turned them into reality. Imagine being locked in a room with the things that haunt you the most. This is that movie. It forces you to imagine yourself in that situation and makes you think.

Reviewers also complain it’s another King movie about a writer. Guess what? King is a writer, and he expresses himself in his stories! King finds hotel rooms creepy, and puts his own fears and discomforts into the story. In fact, there are direct lines from the short story in the movie. And that is why he is the master he is. Any writer who truly pours their heart and fears into something writes more than just words on a page. They write a masterpiece.

What horror movies do you find underrated? Share them in the comments below!

Most Underrated Horror Movie: Event Horizon

It’s Halloween and we at RevPub are doing our own horror movie retrospective. Not a list of favorites or least favorites, but specific categories each week! This week I’m taking a look at what I think is the most underrated horror movie in recent memory…

Event Horizon: Do You See?!

What makes a great horror film? Mood, build of tension, and good characters are definitely on the list. Many will point to successful other horror movies, Carpenter’s Halloween, Hitchcock’s Psycho, as achieving these things, but the overlooked gem Event Horizon does them as well as any horror film I’ve seen.

I won’t go into the plot beyond the set up: Sam Neil stars as Dr. Weir, a scientist accompanying a mission to investigate the ship “Event Horizon,” which vanished years ago and he had a hand in designing. Lawrence Fishburn is Miller, the captain of the salvage team which is also full of great character actors and diverse personalities within the film from a no-nonsense pilot, flippant rescue tech, and a motherly XO.

While this all sounds traditionally sci-fi, the film actually belongs more in the haunted house genre, and is one of the most effective in that category. Mixing equal parts Aliens, Hellraiser, The Shining, and Amityville Horror Event Horizon succeeds where so many genre mash ups have failed. Yes, it’s set in space, but the scares are psychological. It has as much in common with Poltergeist as it does Alien 3 and the nature of the scares is actually more personal than many modern horror movies. Since it was in all the adverts for it I don’t think I’m spoiling anything to mention that the ship left space and ended up in a horrifying dimension, an excellent concept and one used to perfect effect. No creepy monsters or aliens here…all the scares and all the evil is cerebral and comes from people… It is terrifically subtle. Yes there are jump scares, but they mostly occur early and due to sound so it gets you tense early and then never uses the “cheap” jump scare tactic again. It also has gore but it is either seen in quick flashes or is obscured by the scene so it never loses its impact.

Add to this the excellent set and sound design and superb cast and you have a perfect storm of horror film-ology. So why isn’t it considered a modern classic instead of a lost treasure? One reason is probably the casting. The actors in the film are terrific character actors known for intense and effective performances and likely cast because they fit the roles perfectly; this rather than shoe horning in some marquee draw who has no place in the film and is only there to sell tickets. There are also no eye-candy characters (see THIS post…), everyone looks like they belong to a crew of a salvage team. And finally, the premise: a space ship that creates a black hole and ends up in another dimension doesn’t sound like horror potential. So many of the slasher (and later torture) fans gave it a miss. And what a tragedy as it does horror far better than many of the movies in those genres have.

The very well-designed and creepy gravity drive.

If you look at it’s the success of its descendants it makes me wonder if the film may be on the verge of a renaissance. Games like Dead Space lifted its premise, tone, and environments whole-cloth. Even my beloved Warhammer 40k, though it predates the film, borrowed some of the concepts in its later editions. I’m hoping, as the audience has matured and become more sophisticated (strangely because of movies like Event Horizon) the progenitor of so much of modern sci-fi horror will finally get its due.

I’m holding out hope the next time I exclaim “Do you See?!” to a room full of horror fans the response from the vast majority will be “Yes……I see….”

 

 

You’re Next and the Family Reunion

Most of us have been there. You’re about to meet your significant other’s family for the first time – the parent(s), sibling(s), and maybe even their significant others. It can be pretty stressful because you want them to like you and feel like you fit in. After all, once you meet that special someone, you become part of their family.

What if you met the worst family ever? In 2011, a gem of a horror movie came out entitled You’re Next. The premise is pretty simple: An estranged family reunites to only serve as a hunt for three paid killers. I won’t go into the little twists and turns, but fair warning, this post contains spoilers!

I love this movie for two reasons: the family dynamics and the main character, Erin (Sharni Vinson), who reminds me of what Katniss Everdeen would act like at 28 years old in the same situation.

The movie’s trailer misleads the audience to think this is a home-invasion movie, and I once heard it was supposed to resemble The Strangers. Not even close. If you like traditional slasher movies, you’ll enjoy this gorefest. It’s not scary in the least. You’re Next is a slasher movie with multiple killers, one with good reason, and she’s creative.

Here’s the family breakdown:

2 parents + 3 sons + 1 daughter + 3 significant others

  • Parents have a distant, practically loveless relationship.
  • The siblings hate each other.
  • The daughter is the princess, the sons are jealous of each other and tolerate her.
  • Everyone argues about stupid stuff and judge one another, even though they all have problems and baggage.
  • The siblings never say a single nice thing to one another.
  • What’s better, this family is normal by today’s standards. They represent most families in present-day America (aka not perfect).
Photo by soundofmusic.hubpages.com
Photo by soundofmusic.hubpages.com

And I wanted them all to die. Aside from Erin, the entire cast deserved to die due to either stupidity or sheer a-holeness. They are horrible people in the ways they treat each other, especially the two brothers who plan the “let’s kill our parents and siblings to inherit all the money” idea.

Thankfully, Erin survives by taking the “bad guys” out. She’s smart and sweet, but doesn’t mess around. She takes control of the situation, and truly wants everyone to survive – until she finds out the truth. Then she doesn’t care; she only wants to survive, and she effs them up. She uses what’s available and gets out alive. She is the classic final girl.

you're next
Photo from parade.condenast.com

Before attending a family reunion, here are the takeaways:

  • Ask your significant other if they’ve been raised in a survival camp.
  • Don’t invite them if a) they have and b) your family hates one another.
  • If you hate your family that much, just stay away. It’s better for everyone.
  • If you must gather, then don’t stay in a big house with lots of windows and doors. That’s what hotels are for!

The Strangers: Scary or Too Realistic?

When you watch a horror movie, what scares you? Is it the adrenaline rush? Maybe the jump scenes? Maybe there’s something liberating watching a serial killer slash his/her way through victims? What about realism? What if it could really happen?

Recently, I rewatched one of a few horror movies that scares me. I mean really scares me. It terrifies me to the point where I check doors multiple times, have trouble sleeping, and every noise perks my ears.

The Strangers (2008) – starring Liv Tyler and Scott Speedman – ranks as one of those movies you don’t expect to get a scare from. It’s just another slasher movie, right? The Strangers only cost $9 million to make and doesn’t star big names – in or outside of the horror genre – so it should suck. We should be able to laugh and make fun of it. But it’s hard to laugh, trust me.

The Strangers
Photo from: tooscarytowatch.blogspot.com

Reviewers do not love this movie, and people claimed it wasn’t scary, but it constantly makes the “scariest movies lists” on a number of sites and shows. The people who were not scared either didn’t pay attention, or it made them so uncomfortable they wouldn’t admit it. Instead of appreciating its simplicity, these people wanted tons of gore, monsters, or found footage, like so many of today’s popular horror movies. The Strangers is pretty clean gore-wise, and the monsters are real people – which should be scarier – and claims to be based/inspired by on true events.

Here are the top 5 scariest things about this movie:

1. Randomness. This exchange sends chills down my spine. There’s no reason, no logic, and it could happen to anyone.
Tyler: (crying) Why are you doing this to us?

Blonde girl: Because you were home.

Enough said.

2. Mind games. I admit, I feel most people would behave smarter than this couple, but you can’t fault them for everything. The killers mentally torture this couple and rip them phyiscally and emotionally apart. The killers play games with the couple hours before killing them, and you’re not sure if it’s intentional or not. The plot takes place in roughly two hours, but it feels like 20.

3. Realism. Whether we want to admit it or not, home invasions happen. They happen every day. In fact, according to FBI data, there were 2.1 million burglaries in the U.S. in 2012, and residential burglaries accounted for 74.5 percent of all burglary offenses. It’s something we refuse to talk about, but we still lock our doors and check our surroundings. The idea of a home invasion scares anyone who cares about their family, personal space, stuff, and their privacy.

4. Camera work. The production crew shot this movie well. The audience feels like they’re trapped with the couple without the camera bouncing all over the place. You see both perspectives, too. You see the couple from the killers’ eyes and vise versa. You the audience view, so you have three different point of views throughout the movie.

5. Sequel factor. It’s not the possibility that they may make another movie, it’s the idea that the killers will do it again. Spoiler alert: The killers get away, and one of the last lines is, “next time it’ll be easier.”

If you want a good scare, check it out. It’s not in your face, and fair warning, you may find yourself checking closets before bedtime…