Story of the Month: The Slip

On July 16, 2013July 15, 2013 By R. PettyIn Story of the MonthLeave a comment

What is a friend? Webster’s says 1) one attached to another by affection or esteem and 2) one that is not hostile.

What about a good friend? Some may think a good friend comforts you when you’ve had a bad day, or they are always there when you need someone. I think a good friend doesn’t hold anything against you – especially when you say something a little too honest. This month’s story celebrates those friends who forgive us, no matter what we say in the moment.

The Slip

One of James’ life rules is funny trumps mean. It’s a good thing, too, or I’d be screwed. I try to practice “think before you speak,” but there’s a reason the Freudian slip exists.

A couple of years ago, James and I were browsing the Halloween toys and decorations in the Madison Kroger. We didn’t have plans that night, so we were killing time trying on hats and wigs, and playing with skeleton hands and ghostly figures.

We were looking at socks and tights, and my mind was somewhere else. I’m pretty sure I was trying to decide between yellow and black or pink and black stripes.

James picked up an object and said something – neither of us can remember what it was – but he says it was dumb. Maybe he was right, because I recall not laughing at the joke, and there was an awkward pause.

“Well, I sounded stupid,” James said.

To which I responded, without even looking at him, “Don’t be stupid!”

And I was dead serious. In the middle of Kroger, I demanded my best friend not act stupid, and at that moment, I meant it! Then it hit me. What did I just say?! I accidentally said what I was thinking, and it wasn’t good. James is the smartest person I know, but somewhere in the depths of my mind, I felt differently.

Eyes wide and embarrassed, I looked at James. After a couple of seconds, we both started laughing. I kept apologizing for calling him stupid, and he just laughed and laughed. Funny trumps mean. Thank goodness.

With that said, the best of friends understand when you call them stupid in a public area. They laugh with and at you, and don’t take offense. The best friends know when you slip and don’t get mad, or take you too seriously.

Feel free to share your Freudian slips below!

Story of the Month: Car Slinky

On June 18, 2013June 18, 2013 By R. PettyIn Short Stories, Story of the MonthLeave a comment

Do you remember the end of Toy Story? Woody and Buzz hop on R.C. and ride to the moving truck. They make it to the truck, and Slinky Dog hops down and grabs Woody. Slinky Dog stretches as far as he can, moving from one side of the street to the other, until he can’t hold on any longer.

Believe it or not, I’ve had a similar incident involving a car and a slinky-type contraption.

Slinky Dog helping Woody and Buzz — Photo from: platypuscomix.net

Car Slinky

One night after work, my friend and I decided to take his mom’s 350Z for a spin. It was a beautiful car and an awesome night for a late drive. The weather was perfect.

2003 orange Nissan 350Z — An orange Nissan 350Z. Photo from:
kids-n-fun.com

We drove around and chatted, twisting and turning through all back roads of the Franklin Road area — until we came to this in the middle of the road:

You may recognize it. It’s an air conditioning duct. We tried to dodge it, and thought we did until I looked in the side mirror.

The duct was attached underneath the car, and we were dragging it down Edmonson Pike and Nolensville Road at 1 in the morning. The silver car slinky was at least 20 feet long, and it dragged from one side of the street to the other. Frantically, we tried to figure out what to do, but we couldn’t stop laughing. I cried from laughing so hard and knew we were going to get pulled over. No cop would ignore a sports car dragging a 20-plus-foot slinky down a main road in the middle of the night.

I felt like the baby sister in Toy Story seeing Slinky Dog in her side mirror. It was epic.

After about 10 minutes, we were finally able pull into a parking lot and unhook the duct. There was no damage done to the car, and it made for a great story. Some of my fondest memories are car stories, and you never know what you’ll see. Who knows there may be a YouTube video somewhere…

For fun, here’s the end of Toy Story, backwards! And if you have any funny car stories, we’d love to read them!

Story of the Month Wasps and Irrational Anger

On May 15, 2013May 15, 2013 By James CastroIn Story of the Month2 Comments

As I mentioned last month, the weather is getting warmer, which means all the critters of spring are beginning to arrive.

With a relatively mild winter in my area again it means we have more than usual (the same was true last year…and these critters included MICE but maybe that’s next month’s story…) and they start arriving earlier. Though spiders tend to freak people out more, nothing causes fear and panic through a school playground, office parking lot, or park picnic spot more than wasps buzzing through.

It could be because they seem to come right at you. It could be because, with their natural red and black costuming (or yellow and black depending on the species and area), they seem to be DRESSED like villains from an 80s action movie. But they seem to radiate aggression.

I’d managed to live 30-some-odd years on this planet without ever feeling the wrath of their terrible sting…until last month. Stepping barefoot into my closet to read the back of MUSTARD (of all things….) from my mini-fridge I felt a sharp pain. Like I’d trod on glass. Glass sculpted into the shape of a fanged thorn. Glass sculpted into the shape of a fanged thorn and dipped in molten lead. And venom. And HATE.

I immediately jumped back and saw I’d stepped on a wasp who stung the $#!* out of me. As the pain sunk in I vented it by brutally crushing the life out of it with all the antagonism I could muster. I spent the morning hopping on one foot, and the rest of the day refilling bags of ice and resting my foot on them to keep the pain down.

My friend Mike says being stung builds character. Bollocks to that!

After the initial wash of rage had subsided it dawned on me…that wasp stung the crap out of me…but only because I’d stepped on it. I’ve lived with venomous spiders, aggressive frogs, feisty turtles, and attitude-y cats, but only this little critter managed to really inflict serious pain. But essentially, I started that fight. Though I ended it with extreme prejudice as well, it did make me realize that reaction is essentially the same anger I get when the gate to my station wagon closed while I was getting my guitar in high school and smashed me in the head (seriously happened) or when I stood up underneath my pull-up bar and it crashed into my neck (that also happened). The immediate reaction is irrational rage at the inanimate object…just for existing… (I punched the metal pull-up bar. Yeah that was smart…) I became one of those idiots I hate who hear a bear has killed imbecile that was trying to get a picture hugging said bear and immediate go out to kill all bears.

In retrospect, I got stung, it hurt like a *&%^!#$^&#@ but I can’t blame the evil little monster who assaulted me as it was reacting to my actions. Who knows how many times I’d stab some big oaf that tried to step on me.

I’ll keep that in mind the next time a vicious, little, fire-red demon attempts to do me in via near-microscopic venom shard…

That's the one that got me... — That’s the one that got me…

Story of the Month Spring n’ Spiders

On April 16, 2013April 16, 2013 By James CastroIn Story of the MonthLeave a comment

It’s spring! In addition to warming weather, tempestuous storms, and the return of green to the world around us spring also means…bugs…

As a rule I have no distaste for insects, bugs, or mollusks that we share our world with, and this can be surprising as some of the encounters I’ve had would make you think otherwise! As story of the month this month I’ll share one of my most memorable encounters with the various domestic invertebrates found in the southern United States:

Spring n’ Spiders

I inherited a garage room as a senior in high school after a brown recluse spider was found stuck to a glue trap and my mom refused to sleep there any longer. As it was the biggest room in the house (with an outside door!) I didn’t hesitate to take it, but soon found the trapped spider had friends…hundreds of them…

At first seeing one of them would send me fleeing the room and sleeping on the couch in a different room. After a while I got used to them. Taking them out casually with a length of cedar pole or a riding crop (WHACK it’d cut them right in half…) I got from an art teacher.

One day, after finding a few of the glue traps I set so packed with the venomous little critters it had noticeable weight, I enlisted my friend Mike to come over, rip the room apart, open all the cupboards and closets, and bug bomb it into oblivion. So we did. Took the place apart, including the couch, cushions, bed, closet, the whole place.

Lit the fuse (literally…we didn’t know we were supposed to turn off the gas…the water heater was in there and we could have truly declared inquisitorial exterminatus on that end of the house…) and left. We came back after the allotted time and put everything back together. We put a pizza in the oven and turned on Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and flipped through a sword catalog for fun.

Sitting there, chilling, I looked down and saw one of the little bastards sitting right in the middle of my chest. Normally pretty stoic I declared “Sunnuva bitch there’s one of em on me!” trampolined it off my shirt and into the floor, stomping it with my boot and grinding it across the carpet into shreds. Mike joined the melee by taking both cans of wasp spray we had and spraying its dismembered body with them like a gunslinger. We created possibly the deadest spider in the history of dead spiders…

Since then the brown recluse infestation has subsided. It went from hundreds of them at all stages of maturity, creeping from closets, out from under furniture (and in one disturbing encounter dozens rappelling down webs from the ceiling) to…none… At first I was mystified before I found a curio I bought had an infestation of its own…of cellar spiders. These harmless little rascals spin irregular webs under furniture and in corners…the perfect places to ensnare brown recluses. They did the job chemicals and smack ’em sticks couldn’t. And I happily traded one infestation for another.

Despite these encounters I still have no arachnophobia (despite creepy spider dreams occasionally) and even released a captured brown recluse by a tree outside my previous place of employment (I figured what’s one more spineless, cantankerous, creeper around there…) and even had a “pet” spider outside my house for a while. It goes to show nature might be creepy, and even dangerous, but it’s never to be hated or feared!

Enjoy the first few days of spring! There are more such “nature” encounters coming soon!

A Collection of Ghost Stories

On April 9, 2013April 8, 2013 By R. PettyIn Short Stories1 Comment

First, welcome to all the new followers! We appreciate the support, sharing, and comments, and look forward to reading your stuff, too!

Our Waverly Hills post has been very popular topic, so we’d like to share some previous stories with our new followers and anyone who missed them last year. Please note, these are true stories — read with caution … happy ghost hunting, everyone 🙂

Arnold the Poltergeist

Horror Movies and Real Life

Footsteps in the Hall

Dorm Ghost

And for those who like comics, please check out Lil’ Horsemen Issue 1

We hope you enjoy them, and feel free to share your ghostly links in the comments below!

Story of the Month with Conan O’Brien

On March 19, 2013March 18, 2013 By R. PettyIn Story of the Month1 Comment

Cool Cat Conan

In honor of Sunday’s St. Patrick’s Day, this story of the month features a couple of cool Irish guys and a lovely lady.

Jessica and Chris at their wedding — Photo by Sarah B. Gilliam

Last autumn, my good pals Jessica and Chris were planning their wedding, and Chris decided to invite one of his favorite celebs, Conan O’Brien. To some, that seems a little nuts, but they went for it anyway.

For those who need a little background, Conan O’Brien is the host of shows such as Conan, The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, and also worked on Saturday Night Live and The Simpsons. He hails from a large Irish Catholic family in Massachusetts and attended Harvard University. Not a bad resume.

As most of us know, celebrities have extremely busy schedules, so it wasn’t a shock that Conan was unable to attend. However, last month this showed up in the couple’s mailbox:

What an awesome guy — Conan sent them a personally autographed picture! This just proves you should always try your ideas – even if the rest of the world thinks you’re nuts – because you never know what will happen.

Feel free to share your celebrity stories, and check out more fun shorts in our Story of the Month section!

Revenant Publications

Category: Short Stories