A Tribute to Good Coworkers

Inspiration comes in many forms, and this week it came to me in the shape of the men and women I work with. About midweek, I was chatting with a coworker about a personal concern, and she offered to help. I accepted and thought how awesome she was for caring and offering help.

This made me think about my current and past coworkers. I have been lucky to have worked and still work with some of the best people I know. I’ve had two main jobs, totaling 18 years of work experience, and still stay in touch with people I worked with 15 years ago. In my current job, I have a dozen or so I would want to stay in touch with if any of us changed jobs or moved.

But what makes memorable and good coworkers? Aside from who they are and how our differences and similarities bond us, here’s a list of things to do to make the workplace better and build good coworking relationships:

Listen. People love to talk about themselves. We do it all the time at RevPub! Therefore, you should listen to them. Most times, if people think you actually care about what they’re saying, they’ll open up. Now, if you don’t want them to, that’s okay too. In that case, don’t expect them to want to know you if you don’t want the same. No one gets along with everyone.

A cupcake a coworker made for my birthday. She knows I love frogs!
A cupcake a coworker made for my birthday. She knows I love frogs!

Work hard. Thankfully, I can say everyone I work with works hard – all the time. That has not always been the case. At the store, if a cashier or stocker was lazy, they didn’t last long. Either they quit because they had to work harder or they got fired because everyone had to pull their weight. Other people resented them, morale dropped, and it caused problems for management.

Laugh. I love when my coworkers laugh, especially if it has been a long day. It makes me smile even if I don’t know what they’re laughing about. Sometimes they share, sometimes they don’t, but it doesn’t matter because laughter breaks up the monotony of the day. Laughter helps reduce stress, and if you laugh hard enough, can be a great ab workout.

This was for a mustache collage for someone. It turned out well!
This was for a mustache collage for someone. It turned out well!

Share. I recently received a fun email about cold offices and what cold-natured people go through in order to work in them. It was SO true, so I sent it to my fellow freezers. Sure, there’s Facebook and Twitter, but most of us don’t have time to stay on those sites. Therefore, when there’s a funny article or awesome success story, we share it. Many times this causes No. 3, and we get through the day better off than we were before.

Try not to gossip. Sometimes this is unavoidable, but keep it to a minimum. If you wouldn’t say it to their face, it probably doesn’t need to be said. Also, if a coworker confides in you, keep it to yourself unless given permission to share. And always ask for permission. I am very thankful I have always had coworkers I could confide in, and they have helped me through some tough times, such as family and pet passings and school stress.

I know many of my coworkers will read this because they are big supporters of the site. I want them to know how much I appreciate their support and hard work. And to all those people who try to be coworkers, thank you for making all workplaces better places. If you have some great coworker stories, feel free to share in the comments below!

The Best Revenge is Living Well: Changing your Course

“The best revenge is living well”

I never understood that phrase until very recently. I always thought I did but in the spirit of my “let it go” 2015 mentality I thought I’d share how I came to realize what this really means.  I apologize for the length of this post but most of us can relate and this is the last, final release of this whole thing!

In November 2012 I left a job with government I had been in for 9 years. It was my first full-time position and though the pay was low I often convinced myself it was worth it due to the laid back atmosphere and a lot of the personalities there. I met some of the most interesting people working there. When I first started right out of college it seemed like a great place. Chances for growth, good benefits, and caring leadership. Over the years there was a subtle, then a not-so-subtle shift. The pay stayed low and with the increase in benefits prices (benefits that started to get worse) I actually netted less in 2012 than I did in 2011. But from when I started in 2003-about 2010 it felt mostly ok. We liked to complain about processes and personalities, and we could goof off a bit (paperwad wars that lasted a few weeks) but overall it was just work that could be done then left at the office.

Sometime in 2009-2010 things really started to change. The leadership had a shakeup and new people came in. One of my friends actually became a second-in-charge, and there was talk that even I’d get to move up. I’d already gone from entry level, to mid-level, to project management and committee chair so it felt like things were proceeding ok.

My last year there all my illusions were suddenly and violently ripped apart and reality became clear. I was named “co-head” of a new department. I was kept at my previous salary despite essentially managing other employees and still chairing and budgeting for my committee. I considered it ok, it was still a move up and into better things. Then came the yearly evaluations. The other co-head and I were asked to provide these for our direct reports. I wrote honest but well-tempered evaluations, pointing out where things could be improved but always measured this by how what could be considered “defects” were often bonuses. Yes some of us took extra time to perform a task others might do in a fraction of the time, but the end result of that individual’s work was often subtly far superior due to her training, experience, and natural eye. Yes some of us might take some time to have non-sequiturs and discuss movies, video games, or kung fu for a few minutes but that kind of atmosphere is the reason we were considered to be the “best” department to be around by visitors. We were all friendly and morale was high, even when hitting roadblock after roadblock in our work.

During my evaluation (I was one of the first to be evaluated in my group) I was told I received one of the very few (I’d heard less than 5 out of 100 but that could’ve been untrue) perfect scores and was told by the big boss “we can’t do what we do here without you.” When I inquired whether I would qualify for any kind of extra compensation based on my performance I was told “you aren’t qualified.” This despite money spent in this organization on PC replacements every two years, iPads for directors, and catered food for some ivory tower departments.

When the rest of the team was evaluated I discovered that many of my comments were edited and only the negative focused on. It turned out, according to the bosses, people were wasting time (and cruelly told they wouldn’t be replaced when they left) or talking too much. Parts of what was intended was taken out of context and used against them.

I felt awful that something I said could have been used this way. That I should’ve been more careful. And that I’d been used as an unwitting spy against my colleagues. I fired off an email the following day to the staff involved and the leadership saying as much. I received a minimal response, but at least one employee did get his evaluation amended.

This is what I felt like they made me do…

It was at this point that I went from being so valuable “they couldn’t do what they do without me” to being a pariah. Simply by speaking out against what I saw was an injustice I wasn’t included in meetings. Duties shifted to the other co-head (who was far more “compliant”) and any talk of my performance (which was universally regarded as exemplary) resulting in further advancement silenced.

More importantly the management had proven themselves to be willing to do anything, sell anyone out, and use anyone in order to get the side of the story they wanted. There were people they didn’t like and they used others to hurt them.

Given that environment I started looking for a new job.   A friend of a friend turned me on to a startup department in a private company. It wasn’t in my field but given the chance to move up and out I interviewed. I liked what the manager had to say about being involved from the ground up and teamwork and when I got the call I was being offered the position I took it. This surprised essentially everyone I knew as we all assumed we’d be in our familiar “ruts” forever.

I turned in my two weeks’ notice and not one person in management seemed to care. They seemed only to care if I agreed to stay in my current job at my current salary (doing supervisor work for 26k pretax yes 26k after NINE years of perfect evals and TWO promotions…). So I turned in my two weeks and got ready to leave.

Even in my last two weeks I spent full days finishing an exhibit I was working on to make sure it was done in time for a media event planned for the political boss of my organization (which entirely by consequence was held on my last day). I finished it just in time and one of my best friends managed to get food and the press there for the guests (it was for veterans of the Korean and Vietnam Wars.) I was even to say a few words to the crowd about the importance of this display.

Before I got up to talk my organization boss stood up and made some comments. One of which announced it was my last day and added, “well money talks.” After everything that had happened that comment was shocking to me. Everything I’d done, almost anonymously there, all the extra time I put in, all the hard work I’d done right up until the end was put into the light that I’d left them because I was unappreciative of them. Given the audience I ignored his jibe and stuck to my comments about how important the exhibit was (one of the veterans highlighted called it “the best day of his life”). And with that I left that place.

This is tempting…but rarely fulfilling.


The new job was strange. My new manager made it clear we all are needed to follow the same procedures and made us feel appreciated for doing good work. In my off time I built a database for fun. Word about it apparently got out and other department managers came by to see it saying “I’ve heard you did something cool.” In less than two years I was given the opportunity to move into supervisory and leadership roles twice. I wasn’t the only one. Other great performers were also given their due. And every step of the way our sacrifices and good work weren’t just appreciated but often we were given kudos publicly so others could see what the team could do and their morale increased as well. I’d never been in a place like this. It’s not perfect but a good manager goes a long way. Someone who is there to teach you, assist you, and defend you rather than steal your ideas and throw you under a fleet of buses.

So back to “the best revenge is living well.” I’ve heard that phrase my entire life but always misunderstood it. To me it meant that you can get revenge on those who have wronged you by living well and doing so to show them how well you’ve done; to really rub it in that you’ve succeeded and you no longer need their approval or assistance. How wrong-headed that kind of thinking is…by being spiteful you are validating that they still have sway over you.  The best revenge is living well because once you get to the “living well” part you no longer care about the wrongs done to you. They don’t have any meaning. I have no desire to go back to my old job and rub my success in their faces (clearly as I haven’t named anyone in this narrative) it’s enough just to be satisfied.

Recently another friend left and she confirmed that all the anger and sadness she felt working there essentially evaporated upon leaving.

I’ve said it before but we all can find ourselves in poisonous and negative relationships. They might be coworkers, friends, or relationships but by getting out of them and finding your own way you can take your revenge better than any desk-flipping, profanity-laced tell-off might. Anger takes effort and energy. By moving on and living well you do them the worst damage: you forget about them. And with this post, and my realization of what “the best revenge is living well” I’m forgetting that place forever. It’s just a thing that happened now to get me here.

So here’s to living well in the new year!

Had to use this one!  There’s a little of the Unforgiven in all of us…it’s just best not to unleash the Interrogator Chaplains every time.

Advice for Idiots…Using “Reply All”

I’ve been working in an office environment for about a decade now. I know that’s not long by some standards, but I have been around to watch several trends expand and evolve as time progresses and more and more people realize what they can do with the tools provided.  Email isn’t a new feature, but for some reason people don’t seem to understand certain etiquette or common-sense approaches to using it.  That being the case I thought I’d offer some advice for idiots starting with the “reply all” feature.

Reply all is very useful when talking with a group about a single issue, even if some are included just to “stay in the loop” as it were.  It becomes a nuisance when people misuse the feature or don’t follow basic practices for use.  Here are some things that would make life easier when dealing with reply all:

1.)    Ask yourself: Is this an appropriate response for all to see? A lot of emails go out something like, “What does everyone think about X?” A slew of responses come back voicing their opinions on “X.”  This is fine.  But if you have a closer friend amongst the recipients of the email and want them to see that you think “X” is silly or make some inside joke about how “X” reminds you of “what she said” then you probably shouldn’t “reply all” that response…how about just reply to the individual you’re talking to…

2.)    If the conversation continues in a more focused manner does everyone need to continue to be included in the string? I have found typically the answer to be no.  Almost all the time.  The argument is that it’s “informational” so everyone knows what’s going on.  I’ve found that when most people are “reply all’d” unless they are directly involved they mostly ignore the email.  They think, “if it’s not directly to me, this might as well be spam.”

3.)    If you’re added to an email string late, PLEASE read the entire string before weighing in.  This one seems to be a no-brainer to me, but often I’ve been involved with a string that starts: “Hey I wanted to remind everyone ‘Y’ is still a problem.  ‘X’ seems to be ok but I’ll need to change it to make it work with the new system.”  Ten emails later a new person is added to a continuing conversation and is asked to weigh in on how to fix “Y.”  Their response includes, “I’ll look at ‘Y,’ a reminder though that ‘X’ looks fine but it will need to be changed to make sure it’ll work within the new system.”  Really!? Does it!?  Was that not present in the original statement?  Before you respond read the entire string so you know what needs to be said and what HAS been said.

4.)    Does the email string need a response at all or was it informational, if it DID need a response, did we all need to be copied?  Someone sends an email, “Wanted to let everyone know mail pickup is an hour early today.”  It goes to 30 people.  In response you, and EVERYONE in the original string, gets a reply all from 21 people that reads an insightful “ok.”  In the case of strictly informational emails needing no reply, senders please consider BCC as an option…

5.)    Don’t use an email that has a many individuals included to continue a private conversation, if you DO don’t Reply All.  Though it’s related to the first complaint I’ve seen this one specifically and frequently.  A genuine “reply all” string is resolved and begins to have a private conversation but continues to reply all.  Once the string is resolved, the rest of us don’t need to know where a group of you are going to lunch, or what you are doing over the weekend.

So what can you do?

First only send an email string with many recipients if it’s necessary.  Second, only reply to those who NEED the response.  Third, private conversations should be kept private amongst the appropriate respondents.  Fourth, pay attention to long strings.  If you’re included assume it’s for a reason and your advice should be included only after previous comments have been reviewed.  Fifth, if you’re a sender consider whether BCC accomplishes the same thing!